EMU RANT

this is a rant. 

small background: I'm on academic probation. I did LOUSY last semester (although not as bad as i originally thought, i'll get to that later). I did so bad i decided to take it easy this semester, to get my head back on straight. I was burnt out and well...it sure showed during the semester.

so a couple weeks ago i got this e-mail on my emich account, confirming that i am on probation and saying i should make an appoint with the student academic advising team. after a couple weeks of neglecting it, i decided to call and make an appointment because i had no idea what "academic probation" means. it wasn't in the e-mail and it wasn't on their website either (that i could find). so i called and made an appointment for like 9 am. 

9 am hit and i was there. and i had to fill out this form about who i was and what my gpa is (i put <2.0) and my "probation level." i had no idea what that meant so i just put a '?'  and then on the back of the pamphlet they had a little questioniare about some factors why i did poorly last semester. and it said to put comments where needed, but the area to put ANY comment was "_______" NO joke. took me about 5 minutes to get trough it, even though i left like 4 blank

after an additional 15 minutes and 2 phone calls to his office, he finally came out to get me. the very first thing he asked was if i used my e-mich email and i said "no"  and he had a mini fit. "your e-mich should be the only e-mail you use! Be professional about it! No professional would use yahoo or google or hotmail." and then the remainder of the first half hour was him giving me sheets of paper about some resources for school. and then he stopped and looked at me and asked "so what's your answer" what answer??? you never asked 1 god damn thing. ALL you've done is giving me papers on how to be a better student. cuz apparently i'm too retarded to know the resources around me. and then he asked me if i knew how to figure out my gpa. i groaned and said yes. but he explained how to anyway. he first saying that you go into probation if your gpa is below 2.0 and then the school has a policy where basically you have 3 semester to get your gpa back up to at least a 2.0 and then financial aid as well. and then the school offers to retake classes to change your grade for the class.  so he showed me that my gps is....1.93. I"m happy because i thought my gpa would've been like <1.3 or something. cuz i know i did bad last semester, but not as bad as i thought. and then he looked at me like i was crazy being happy for my current gpa, and all he really said was "it doesn't round up" continuing that i'm just some retard

He then started looking over my classes i have taken at emich and noticed that i had received honors credit for math and that i took calc 1 and calc 2 here. and looked at me and asked "why are you taking these math classes?" i told him because i wanted to get to the highest math class there, and decided to start at calc 1 again because it's been a long while since i took calc 2. and then he looked at me. in disbelief. NOT because i'm taking calc for fun but... "maybe you should start at [insert's minimum math requirement class name here]" I WAS SO PISSED.  I DON'T THINK HIGHLY OF MYSELF...EVER. AND YOU LITTLE FUCKER, I TAKE PRIDE IN MY MATHEMATICAL ABLILITY! IT IS ONE OF THE VERY FEW THINGS I'M PROUD OF MYSELF.  and this FUCKER had to destroy it. HOW DARE YOU E

VEN ASSUME ANYTHING ABOUT MYSELF WITHOUT ASKING 1 DAMN THING!!! YOU DON'T KNOW ANYTHING. HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU UNDERSTAND ANYTHING OR GET TO KNOW THE ROOT PROBLEM WITHOUT ASKING 1 FUCKING THING (more on this later)

so after a small silence he manage to ask me a simple question about last semester "were there any problems outside of school?" YES. BECAUSE IT'S NEVER THE SCHOOL'S FAULT. i manage to hint that there were problems school wise "no, not really, but the math class was just bad scheduling" "what do you mean?" "Well, they were 45 minute classes." "Ok?" "Well, the first thing is that we spent the first 30 minutes answering problem (2 if we're LUCKY) from last night's homework and then, the last 10-15 minutes TRYING to cram the new material." "Oh, I don't see anything wrong with that" WHAT??? WHAT THE FLYING FUCK ARE YOU ON???? YOU CAN'T HAVE A MATH CLASS BUILT LIKE THIS. WHEN YOU ONLY GET 10 MINUTES OF GETTING NEW INFORMATION. WHERE PPL HAVE TONS OF QUESTIONS, OF WHICH THE TEACHER CAN'T REALLY ANSWER, BECAUSE HE DOESN'T HAVE ENOUGH TIME. HOW THE FUCK IS NOT A PROBLEM????

I had enough of him at this point. I wanted to just get up and leave. it seemed pointless because how this was being treated. so after another silence he asked me what my degree was in. "S.A.G" (simulation, animation, Gaming) of which he replied "same here." (i don't believe him) so he went on telling about how i should contact the head ppl of the college of technology and their advisors. so by now it's like 9:50 and i'm DYING to leave. so he asked what specifically i wanted to do. i told him i want to go into gaming. I believe he gave a look of "you can't do that"  his only response was "you want to be a part of the process or pr?" "i want to be part of the process." "Artist?" "No, i can't draw to save my life" "So a programmer?" 'yes" "you know there's more to game industry than that" --I guess he just assumed that I'M TOO RETARDED TO MAKE A GAME.FUCKER, I HAVE MADE MORE THAN 2 GAMES (though the 2 are the best i've made) AND YOU KNOW WHAT? THEY WERE BEST OF CLASS IN A STUDENT SHOW AND ONE OF THEM WAS ON THE FRONT PAGE OF NEWGROUNDS. i hate this guy. to the core. I hate him. I want him dead. -- he then just kind explained other ways to be a part of the gaming industry that's not in the process of making games.  I swear to god he was gonna say something along the lines of "maybe you should reconsider. it's a hard process of making game" but he didn't. but he did. i would've torn him a new one. 

So then, he turned me to saying "I didn't get much of a feedback from you." WELL GEE. IT'S NOT LIKE YOU ASKED ME ANYTHING!! YOU NEVER ASKED ME WHAT HAPPENED LAST SEMESTER. OR EVEN THINK THAT THERE MIGHT SOME PROBLEMS BY THE SCHOOL. NO OF COURSE NOT. EASTERN IS A FUCKING PARADISE AND NOTHING CAN EVER GO FUCKING WRONG. MAYBE IF YOU ACTUALLY ASKED ME A LEGITIMATE QUESTION ABOUT LAST SEMESTER, YOU MIGHT'VE GOTTEN A "FEEDBACK" BUT NO. YOU JUST FUCKING ASSUMED THAT I'M SOME RETARD WHO DOESN'T KNOW JACK FUCKING SHIT. seriously, the way he talked to me throughout the thing was i was such a lower lower than him, than i ever COULD be. So...i have to see him again on the 22nd. for god only knows what. maybe he'll actually do something smart. and ask me what was the problem. Idk. i just might not even go. I just wanted to go to see what "academic probation" means and what this means for me. but he only talked about it for 5 minutes. 

i think that's it....i can't and i dont' want to remember right now. i'm burnt out being uber upset. so...sigh. 

if there's more i'll just add to this one and hopefully the next meeting won't be THIS bad. meh

rant post.

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public void break(blogger){

so, break was soooooooooo incredibly boring. All i did was goto the place of the pie everyday (sunday-thursday) and just chill out there. I watched Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood (46 episodes). And then caught up with Dragon Ball Kai (2 episodes). And then i decided to do all of my math hw, and then more....and more...and more...I am so far ahead of my math class, it's not even funny. :\ But i'm really glad that the break is now over, i practically went insane out of boredom on saturday. you can only do so much hw and thinking about other stuffs for so long... :(

}

public void randomThoughts(blogger){

so, i've been really thinking. There's a lot of crap in the world, and it really does affect us, either because we have these problems or we know someone who is has it. so i'm gonna just gonna let my hands type because really, i want to know some of this stuffs.

• Fetishes. lol. i know....sorry. What the hell? seriously, why do we have them? why does a certain item/action gives us more of a response??? I think i probably have one of the weirdest ones ever. I don't know anyone who will share mine, and i probably wont' find anyone who will. but still, why do we have them? what caused them to form? I don't recall anything in my childhood that really relates to that kind of feeling. maybe curiosity or it caught my interest, but never in a sexual way. how did something so simple turn into that???
• Orientation. Why does it really matter? Why are some gay/bi when others are straight? I mean, there's nothing wrong with being gay, bi, straight, or a transvestite. It shouldn't matter. I'm bi (i think), and i wasn't surrounded by gays, in fact, i didn't know anyone until last october! I didn't watch anything gay or anything. but yet, somehow, i find (A VERY SELECT FEW) guys attractive. i really don't get it. i keep on hearing nature vs nurture. It doesn't apply to me, i don't think, because no one or thing was gay around me. I'm not saying i'm mad or sad or upset about being bi, i just wanna know how i got here.
• looks. (yeah i'm sorry about being so focused on sexual stuff, i really don't focus on this shit, but with a week OF NOTHING TO DO, it kinda infected my thoughts). Again, why does this matter? Shouldn't we judge people by their actions, personality, and how they treat themselves/others rather than just by looks??? i mean seriously, how did our stupid society got this infected with lust??? I mean, yeah, i will admit fault here. but why do we do so? Can't we focus on the person within??? what changed us from doing that to the only the physical person? Girls with breasts, asses, revealing or tight clothes, heels,etc; guys with muscles, a big dick, money, being a jock, etc. why do we focus on those stupid things?? I mean seriously?? We even do it to the color of the skin as well. i really don't get how we devolved ourselves to these primal instincts.
• sex. yeah yeah. ok. sure, sex is a good thing to have, why not? really? but god damn. I don't need or want to see it every god damn place. Seriously. It should just stay in the house and nothing more. I don't want to see it on the simpsons. it's really disgusting. or in games even. I know i sound like a broken record, but how did it all come down to this> why does our society focus on sex? sure, i'd like to have sex, i admit it, but my life isn't revolved around the damn action. To be honest, i see having sex is like the peak of a relationship, like, you guys have made it, you love each other so much that you are ready for whatever comes at you, TOGETHER. it should be a somewhat holy (that's a bit too strong of a word, but idk what fits in there) action, at least the first time should be. I mean, if you're still with your partner, whether it be a man or a woman, then sure, it doesn't have to be that important everytime, but it's nice to have some special meaning to it. idk if i contradicted myself, but in my head it all makes sense.
• people. There seems to be 2 basic broad types of people. people who don't really talk to people, stay within their bubble (of friends, group, or personal) and then there's the people who are extremely outgoing, able to befriend (sometimes more) people all the time with no problems. I really think is the most complexing, we all know people that fall within both groups, and even family members, i believe. Idk, i think it's more nature than nurture, i knew a lot more outgoing people than i do with people who are just in the corner (like me) so idk, why is it that i fear meeting new people? I fear judgement from people i don't even know. why is that? Even though, i'm surrounded by people who other people just die for. They do it, they're the masters, they do it very successfully. But when I try, i fail miserably. maybe there's something missing that i'm not doing/portraying. idk what it is, i just wish i knew what it was. It'd be nice to get more than 3 friends at college. lol.
• cheating. this is what I DON'T GET. not one bit. Yeah sure, i can understand people liking more than 1 person. that's fine, it's human. Most people understand that, and they go into relationships, and know all the things they're sacrificing to be into that relationship. And even I admit, I do like some other people, but i don't focus on them, that'd be wrong. But, I think, those people are good to have close, because, those are the people you can trust the most, and most likely help you with any of your problems, as you would help them with theirs. They're obviously gonna be good people, you can't just leave them, because you can't have them, that's selfish and douche like. I trust those people, and some of them, I even told them, and they were very understanding and supportive and helpful. I appreciate that from them and it means a lot that they don't think any less of me because of this, they really are great people. But even after all of that, i'm very content with who i am with, and wouldn't change it for anything in the world. ANYWAY, back to my point, there are some people, who cheat on their partner. Which I don't understand, if you feel that you have to cheat, break up with the person, don't go into a deep hole that you dug yourself in with (sometimes more than) 2 people. Break up with partner and go with whoever you want to cheat with, and then it's no longer cheating. I know this probably sounds harsh, but if you even consider to cheat, you really don't love your partner. Don't drag it out and cause more harm to each other, just stop things, or take extra time out to work things out. Idk, i just don't get it

Yeah...i'm sorry for just ranting like that, i guess most of it is just me being naive. I really don't know the answers to any of those questions. I HAD ALOT OF TIME on my hands last week, and i had alot of thoughts RACING through my head. That just really scratched the service. I'd type more, but i've typed alot today, and wasted class time and then some. and also, it probably seems like i'm a sex freak or something, thinking about all those things. Not really. it's just in this group of topic. I'm sorry if i sound like one, i'm really not. And now i'm tired... so next time. LOL what a way to greet blogger. lol

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